The Cruciform Marriage
I don't have to tell you that there is a crisis in our culture regarding marriage. As urgent as that crisis is in the world around us it is equally, if not more so, in God's Church. Having been in vocational ministry for over a decade I've seen my share of marriages that Satan has taken aim at, and subsequently destroyed. If you know my story you know that I've seen broken marriages in my own life.
This morning in my quiet time it was like the proverbial light bulb turned on in my head and my heart. The past few weeks I've been preaching through the first two chapters of 1 Corinthians. Paul goes to great lengths to help us understand that worldly wisdom and God's wisdom are polar opposites of one another, and God's wisdom is most vividly revealed to us in the Cross of Jesus Christ. If you want to get a grip on God's wisdom you can only do so by gazing intently at the Cross (Figuratively of course. Please don't sit around staring at a cross all day). In fact, the person and work of Jesus Christ is so central to God's wisdom that Paul says,
I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified (1 Cor. 2:2).
Then I read today's (12/20) devotion in My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers and he dropped the truth bomb that I quoted above. If we proclaim a doctrine that is not rooted in the Cross it will not only lead us astray, but according to Paul it will come to nothing (1 Cor. 2:6).
So what does this have to do with marriage?
Thank you. I'm glad you asked. If we are not putting our marriages through the filter of the Cross of Jesus Christ we will never be experiencing marriage as God intended it. We must have a "Cruciform Marriage" ("Cruciform" means in the shape of a cross) I've done a lot of pre-marital counseling (perhaps with limited benefit for the couples) and one thing I always try to spend some time on is Ephesians 5. I submit that applying the Cross to our marriages is precisely what Paul is trying to get us to do in that chapter. Let's just look at some highlights of Ephesians 5:22-33 for a moment.
Wives, submit to you husbands as to the Lord...
This could be a touchy subject in our current cultural climate and a full exposition of this statement deserves more time than I can give it right now. However, here is the essential truth as far as the Cruciform Marriage is concerned - God is asking wives to display submission in the same way that Christ displayed supreme submission to the will of the Father while He lived on this earth, and was ultimately crucified. I don't pretend that this is easy, or that all husbands deserve to be submitted to, and please don't get any ideas that submission includes ungodly, demeaning, or abusive behavior. It does not. Furthermore, God does not ask wives to submit because they are inherently inferior to husbands. Men and women are of equal value in the eyes of God and the value that He places on women is seen most strikingly in what He asks of the husbands in the following verses. For a far better explanation of how submission is a critical part of the Christian life, for men and women, I would recommend K.P Yohannan's amazing book Touching Godliness.
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Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her...
Alright men, let me lay this out for you plain and simple. As a husband you are to treat your wife just like Christ treats the Church. What was the ultimate expression of Jesus' love and care for the world? His sacrifice on the Cross! Husbands, it is time for you and I to wad up and throw away all of our notions about what we deserve in a marriage. Here is what the Bible tells us about Jesus, "who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. Instead he emptied himself...(Phil. 2:6-7a)." Whatever you think the world owes you as a husband, whatever you think you deserve from your wife, whether it be supper on the table by 6:00, daily sex, respect, or anything else, you give it all up because that is what Jesus did. He gave up everything to express His love in action.
Marriage is a two-way street and it takes work - a ton of work - but as husbands we don't get to say, "Well, if my wife respected me more, or had more sex with me, or loved me more then I'd show her sacrificial love." Wrong - that isn't sacrificial love. That is the world's love and it is cheap. Remember this, "But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Rom. 5:8)." If God had waited until we showed some kind of love and affection for Him before He saved us, guess what? We'd still be lost in our sins. If we are to have a Cruciform Marriage then, husbands, we must crucify our own self-interest for the sake of our wives. We love them with godly love, not because they submit to us or do things that make us feel loved, but because God tells us to.
I hope you can see from this small sampling of scriptures that living a marriage defined by the Cross of Jesus Christ is very difficult. In fact, it is so difficult that we can't do it without the Holy Spirit. However, since God instituted marriage and created us to enjoy it, it stands to reason that He knows how it works best. Know this also, God's version of marriage is dramatically different than the world's so be prepared for people to think you're crazy for living out His design instead of man's. If we are going to see a reversal of the trend of marital destruction in our churches and culture, it must start with the Cross of Jesus Christ. We must have Cruciform Marriages.
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