Semper Virilis Part 3: The Gift of Manhood to the Next Generation
Once a definition of
manhood has been decided upon, whether it is the one offered in the previous post or another,
the real challenge begins for men – passing that knowledge on to the next
generation. Robert Lewis identifies three issues that have faced fathers over
the past few decades, “First, we have failed to deliver to our sons a clear,
inspiring, and biblically grounded definition of manhood…Second, most fathers lack a directional process that calls their
sons to embrace the manhood they should be able to define…a third shortcoming
involves the loss of ceremony.”[1]
With a definition of manhood firmly in hand the focus
will now turn to the other concerns Lewis mentions; instilling authentic
manhood in the next generation, and initiating them.
Biblically, Deuteronomy 6 offers God’s strategy for
transmitting faith from generation to generation;
These words, which I am commanding you
today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and
shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and
when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as frontals on your
forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates
(Deuteronomy 6:6-8).
While
this passage is not gender specific it does lay the foundation for passing
faith on to children and grandchildren. To do so, God calls parents to be
intentional and consistent in their instruction of their children.
In
their excellent work on family discipleship Tedd and Margy Tripp describe a method
of discipleship called “formative instruction,” which is to, “instruct our
children about what we believe, how to think from the Scriptures and how to
live…It is not a single event, but a lifetime of interaction that is based on
God’s revelation.”[2]
The
primary means which God has put in place to instill an authentic understanding
of manhood in boys is parents, fathers in particular. This does not happen
accidentally or sporadically. It must be an intentional strategy that is
carried out over the course of a boy’s life.
The
Importance of “Dad”
While
our culture is dabbling in untenable notions of gender there is an epidemic happening
concurrently which is the absent, or uninvolved father. Dobson notes, “boys
without fathers are twice as likely to drop out of school, twice as likely to
go to jail, and nearly four times as likely to need treatment for emotional and
behavioral problems as boys with fathers.”[3] These statistics are staggering
and largely avoidable if men will answer the call of God to be fathers.
Naturally,
there are some unavoidable circumstances when father’s die, or are deployed
overseas with the military, or are in prison. In these circumstances and others,
there are many thousands of single mothers who have stepped into the gap in
their son’s lives and done remarkable things. These women are to be commended,
but theirs is not the ideal situation. The truth is, boys need fathers.
Fathers
are uniquely positioned in the family to give their sons what they need to
become men. Boys inherently want to emulate their fathers and “Dad” will
typically be a boy’s first hero. Therefore, if a father can set the example to
follow by displaying a thirst for God, servant-leadership, and sacrificial love
his son is more likely to grasp authentic manhood. Dobson observes,
If character training is a primary goal of
parenting, and I believe it is, then the best way to instill it is through the
demeanor and behavior of a father. Identification with him is a far more
efficient teacher than lecturing, scolding, punishing, bribing, and cajoling. Boys watch their dads intently, noting every
minor detail of behavior and values.[4]
Steve
Wright echoes Dobson when he states, “The presence or absence of dad
drastically affects a child’s intellectual development, key relationships,
self-image, future plans, and even his or her view of God. A dad’s influence is
unparalleled.”[5]
Men
must understand that the character of the next generation of men is going to be
reflective of the current one. If fathers put the things of God low on the
priority list, then the logical result is that their sons will share that
prioritization. If dad only goes to church when nothing better is happening,
then the son is likely to show at least
the same amount of apathy towards the fellowship of believers.
For
years the church has been talking about the loss of young people once they
graduate high school. Usually the statistic quoted is something such as 80
percent of students abandon their faith after high school graduation.
Generally, blame is laid at the feet of the youth pastors, pastors, public
schools, or a fallen society in general. The uncomfortable truth is that the
blame may lay much closer to home, literally. By extension, if a generation of
young men is rising up that does not embrace biblical, authentic manhood, it us
most likely due to fathers not setting the example, or properly initiating them
into manhood.
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